For Kicks And Giggles
by Phantom Shadow Pirate
Summary: Dash looks in the mirror! And dies! Paulina breaks a nail! And dies! The students at Casper High are dropping like flies! Why? Because the author decided to kill people off the fun way! Read it!TEMPORARY HIATUS UNTIL I FIGURE OUT WHAT TO DO WITH IT.
1. Chapter 1

**For Kicks and Giggles**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Danny Phantom.**

Alright, I'm writing this just so I can… (cough cough) uh, do what I wanna do but in a way it's not illegal… Anywho, I'm gonna kill off some characters so I can pretend I killed the people who bug me. So, in other words, I'm killing people legally. Yes, it's fun.

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"Dash, there isn't anything worse than breaking a nail!" Paulina told him.

"Uh, what about losing a football game?" he asked stupidly.

"No! There isn't anything worse than breaking a nail!" She snapped.

"Why? What happens if you break a nail?" he asked.

"It hurts really badly, and your manicure gets ruined!" she said acting like it was the simplest thing in the world.

"Oh. Can you die from it?" Dash asked once again stupidly.

"Of course you can! That's why I never break nails!"

"Are you sure you can die? Have you heard of anyone who has?"

"Yes you can die and yes I have. There was this one girl who used to be on the cheerleading squad fifty years ago, and one day, while she was on top of the pyramid, she fell off and broke her nail! They never saw her again. And they say she still haunts the girl's locker room."

"Wow. I hope I never break a nail."

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Dash was leaning against wall in the hallway hitting on some poor girl who would probably give anything to be far far away from Dash right then. We'll just call her S.P.G.W.W.P.G.A.T.B.F.F.A.F.D.R.T.

"So, do you like quarterbacks?" he asked.

"No, do you?" said S.P.G.W.W.P.G.A.T.B.F.F.A.F.D.R.T.

"I am one!" he yelled.

"Oh. You're one ugly quarterback," she said smiling.

"I'm not ugly! You should consider your self lucky I'm even talking to you!" he said.

"Oh yeah, I'm just sooo lucky to be talking to the ugliest man on the planet." She said.

"I'm not ugly!"

"Did you know you can die from being so ugly? If you're not careful, you might just look at your self in the mirror and die!"

"I've already looked at myself in the mirror! I'm not dead!"

"How many times have you looked at your reflection?" she asked.

"I don't know! Probably a million!"

"That's not good! The next time you look in a mirror you'll die because you're so ugly!" she said.

"How do you die from looking in a mirror?" Dash asked thinking he had the upper hand.

"Your ugly breaks the mirror and the pieces and the pieces kill you!" she said.

"That's not true!" Dash shouted.

"You're right, it's not. But you can die from being ugly and looking in a mirror." She stated.

"Whatever. I'm not going to hit on you again." Dash said and stormed off.

"Fine with me!" she yelled after him and walked down the hall smiling.

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When Dash got home, he decided to test S.P.G.W.W.P.G.A.T.B.F.F.A.F.D.R.T.'s theory. He went into his bedroom and walked to his desk. There he pulled out a piece of paper and wrote a note. If it didn't work, he'd just tear up the note so he didn't look stupid.

_Family_

_Uh, I don't know when you're reading this so uh, if I'm dead, it's because I'm ugly._

_This girl I was hitting on today said that because I was ugly, that the next time that_

_I looked in a mirror, I'd die. Uh…_

_Dash_

With that, Dash walked up to his mirror and looked into it, and then he flopped over dead. Guess he really was ugly.

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Paulina stood in her bedroom brushing her hair when her mom called her down stairs because she had a phone call.

"Who is it Mama?" she asked.

"Star. She's calling about cheer practice tonight." Said her Mama and walked out of the room.

"Thank you Mama!" Paulina shouted after her.

"Hello?" She asked into the phone her accent thick.

"Hi Paulina, it's Star."

"I know. My Mama told me.

"So did she tell you I was calling about cheer practice?" Star asked.

"Yes. It's a 5 isn't it?"

"Yeah. See ya there!" Star said and hung up.

Paulina dropped the phone back into its cradle and walked back into her room. She picked up the brush and began running it once again through her hair. Five minutes later, she walked into her bathroom where her cheer leading uniform was hanging and pulled it on.

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Ok, Paulina had seen weird before, but this topped it all!

_Flashback…_

_(Before Paulina walked in)_

_"Uh oh… Danny, someone's coming!" Sam shouted._

_"What was that Sam?" _

_Danny and Sam were in the girl's locker room (Danny was happy!) fighting Ember when Sam heard someone coming. With some quick thinking Danny sucked Ember into the Fenton thermos._

_"Danny! We need an excuse to be in here! It's the girl's locker room after all!" Sam said._

_"You're right. Time for another fake-out make-out?" Danny asked. _

_"Yeah…" Sam trailed off and ran over to Danny._

_"Sorry Sam!" Danny said and started kissing her._

_Then Paulina walked in. (scary music plays, lightning flashes, and bats fly out from dark corners of the room) _

_"EW!" Paulina shouted, "Loser love!"_

_"Do you mind Paulina!" said Sam pulling away from Danny._

_"It's the girl's locker room! Get out!" Paulina yelled and covered her eyes with her hands._

_"Gosh!" Danny shouted, "You can't get privacy anywhere! Come on Sam, I think the janitors closet is free…"_

_And with a few more passionate kisses, the couple left the room._

That was sooo weird! I'm never walking first into a "deserted" room again!

"Come on Paulina!" some random cheerleader from the squad shouts. "It's time to practice the pyramid!"

"I'm coming!" she shouts back.

…………………

"Whoa!" comes a cry from the bottom of the pyramid. Soon all the other girls fall down to the ground sprawled all over each other.

"Ack!" screams Paulina, "I broke a nail!"

"NO!" Star yells just as Paulina's body stiffens and falls to the floor like a board.

"Wow," Danny whispers to Sam while peeking their heads around the door, "I never knew that's what happened!"

"Quick Danny, here comes the squad! Time for another fake out make out!" Sam yelled and pushed Danny up against the wall.

"EW! Loser love!" Star screams and runs down the hall.

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Alright, I know that was totally retarted. But like I think I said before, it's the only legal way to kill people! So, do you want me to write more? Stop for the sake of all man kind? Flop over dead and never write again? Tell me! Review please! Oh, and sorry if I offended anyone! It's not intentional I promise! And just so you know, I don't have anything against cheerleaders, just certain people.

Phantom Shadow Pirate


	2. Chapter 2

**For Kicks and Giggles**

**Down go Kwan and Star**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything! In fact, this keyboard was stolen! Mauahahahahahaha! (Runs from police. "I was just kidding!")**

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"Kwan, I must say I'm disappointed in you!" Mr. Lancer exclaimed.

"Why?" Kwan asked stupidly.

"Kwan, have you seen you're grades recently?"

"Uh…. No?"

"(sigh) Here." Mr. Lancer said shoving a paper in Kwan's face.

**Science D-**

**EnglishC-**

**Comp. F**

**AlgebraD**

**Art 2.0 D+**

**Physical Ed.B-**

**Study Hall (no score)**

"Um, isn't this good though?" Kwan asked.

"No, Kwan, it is not good. This means you fail." Lancer explained.

"No! I can't fail! Don't people die from that!" Kwan screamed.

"Legends, Lies, and Cherished Myths of the World History! No, people do not die from failure! Who on earth gave you that idea!" Lancer yelled.

"Uh… No one?" Kwan said deciding (for once in his life) to keep quiet about something.

"Kwan, you're excused now." Lancer sighed and put his head on his hands. "Kids today!"

Kwan stood up and left the room. He was happy that he didn't tell Lancer who told him.

_Flashback…_

_"Kwan, did you know people can die from failure?" Tucker asked._

_"Really! Wow! I never knew! People die from that? They can't can they? I never though…" Kwan said._

_"Yes Kwan, people can die from failure. You see, they don't pass their classes and then they fail! And after that, (pause) they die!" Tucker said._

_"How do I know you're telling the truth?" Kwan asked._

_"Kwan, would I lie?" _

_"I don't know…" _

_"Trust me Kwan, people die from failure! But don't tell anyone I told you, that **makes** you fail!" Tucker exclaimed._

_"Don't worry! I won't!" _

_(After Kwan leaves)_

_Sam and Danny walk out from behind a corner laughing their heads off. _

_"I can't believe he fell for that!" Sam laughed._

_"Me too! I mean, I always knew he was slow, but who would have ever thought?" Danny said._

_"Alright lovebirds, lets go home." Tucker said and pulled the laughing teens towards the door._

_"Hey!" They said together, "we're not lovebirds!"_

_End flashback…_

Then realization hit Kwan. He had failed! He was going to die! Then he remembered the counter curse Tucker had told him for failing! Quickly he ran home and dived into his closet and began searching.

A few minutes later, he found it. Quickly he pulled it on and ran out the door. Soon he found Fenton Works.

"Danny, what's that noise?" Sam asked getting up from the couch and walking over to the door.

"I dunno…" Danny said. He pulled the door open and outside it stood Kwan in a chicken suit.

"Danny, Sam! You two should be together! You're meant to be!" He shouted.

"Wait, what?" Danny asked. Then he remembered. Danny had told Tucker that if Kwan showed up at his front door in a chicken suit that he'd kiss Sam. But only if that happened. But Danny also told Tucker that if he told Kwan to do it then Tucker would die. Tucker was a dead man.

"Wait!" Kwan shouted. "Tucker didn't tell me a counter curse! He told me to do this a long time ago! Then that means…" Kwan didn't finish. He fell over dead. In his chicken suit. Standing on the Fenton's doorstep. In front of a kissing Sam and Danny.

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"Star, do you know how most popular girls die?" Sam asked Star.

"Why are you talking to me? Shouldn't you be making out with your loser boyfriend Fenton?" Star snapped.

"No, we did that this morning. Do you know how most popular girls die?" Sam asked again.

"Will it make you shut up if I say no?" Star asked.

"No. It'll make me shut up if you say no and let me tell you how most popular girls die."

"Fine. Just make it quick! I need to go shopping!"

"Most popular girls die from wearing to much pink!" Sam said, her eyes wide.

"Whatever. You're just jealous because you can't pull off pink." Star said rolling her eyes.

"If you wear to much pink, it'll make your eyes turn pink, then your face, then your hair, then your skin! And then your skin turns wrinkly and then you turn into a giant pink raisin and die!"

Star rolled her eyes again. "Whatever loser. I'm leaving now so you can do the whole world a favor and shut up." Star stood up and walked away.

"Fine! But don't say I didn't warn you!" Sam shouted after her.

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At the mall…

"Ooh! I want that!" Star screamed and pulled a bright pink halter top off a rack. Quickly she checked the price. $79.89. Oh well, her dad was paying for it! With his credit card!

She ran over to another rack where it was 50 off. She skimmed the rack and found what she was looking for. She pulled out a hot pink mini skirt.

Over at the shoes, she found some shocking pink boots that came up past her thigh. Then she found a pink necklace, headband, bracelet, earrings, belt, and purse. After she paid for all of it, she ran over to her pink bug sitting in the parking lot. She climbed in and her chauffer started the engine. Within minutes she was at home.

When she walked into her (pink) room, the phone rang.

"Hello!" she answered in her abnormally happy, peppy, (creepy!) and cheerful voice.

"Hey Star!" some dude on the other end answered.

"Oh hey Brock! When are you coming to pick me up?"

"About an hour. That give you enough time?" He asked.

"Sure does! See ya in an hour!" She said and hung up.

Quickly she put on her new (gross) outfit. Then she added the finishing touches. Pink eye shadow, blush, and glitter.

Once she had just finished adjusting her hot pink headband, the doorbell rang. She ran down to answer it, but one of the butlers had already got it first.

"Miss Star," the old man began, "Mr. Brock is here to see you."

"Thanks uh, its Rick right?" Star asked.

"Nick Miss."

"Thanks Nick!" Nick the butler walked out of the room.

"Hey Star, you look---" Brock started but immeditaly shut up. Star's eyes were pink.

"Star, have you're eyes always been pink?" he asked.

Star gasped and ran into the next room looking for a mirror. Her eyes were pink! Now she'd have to play it safe. She walked back to Brock.

"Star! Your face is pink! And so is your hair! Now the rest of your skin is pink! What's happening?" He shouted.

"AHHHH!" Star screamed as she watched the hand that was outstretched in front of her turn wrinkly. "I'm a raisin! I'm a raisin! I'm a Giant. Pink. Raisin!" Star screamed and started running around in circles. "No! No! This can't be happening! The goth freak was right!" Then the giant pink raisin fell over dead.

"Oh well." Said her date. "Now I have a chance with Valerie!" Brock ran out the door and jumped into his cars. He sped down the street at what must have been 90 mph. When he got to Valerie's house he knocked really fast and really hard.

"Yes?" Valerie asked as she poked her head out the door.

"Valerie! Will you go out with me?" Brock shouted.

"Yes!" Valerie shouted back and leaped into his arms.

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Sorry if you're a Kwan and/or Star fan! I only wrote what peoples told me to. Now, do you want more? Want me to stop? Who should I kill next? Perhaps Vlad? Review!

Phantom Shadow Pirate


	3. Chapter 3

**Valerie and Lancer**

**NPOV**

**Ok, I realize that some peoples are fans of the characters I've killed off, so, I'm sorry. I'm just having fun. As far as I know, I haven't really been flamed yet…. Scary. Someone should flame me just so I can say I have. Anywho, on with the story!**

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"Mansfield Park! This article is ridiculous!" Mr. Lancer shouted as he threw the offending magazine to the ground. "Honestly, how could it be scientifically proven that reading to much can overload your brain? I'd hate to see the tests they ran on that one!"

Mr. Lancer then stood up from the desk in his study and walked over to row of book shelves that were placed along the back wall. Each shelf was carefully filled with the contents of Mr. Lancer's favorite books that he'd ever read with some extra space just incase he ever found more.

"The Adventure's of Sherlock Holmes, no, Wuthering Heights, no, The Maltese Falcon, no, aha! Here it is, A Midsummer Night's Dream! One of my absolute favorites!" He exclaimed.

He plucked Shakespeare's comedy off the shelf and plopped himself down in an arm chair by his fire. By 10:32 in the evening, he had finished his book.

"Now off to bed." He proclaimed to himself and went off nicely drowsy to his room.

The next morning, Mr. Lancer awoke with a headache.

"Must be the late night reading." He thought to himself and began busying himself with school preparations.

During the school lunch hour Mr. Lancer contented himself with reading a copy of Sense and Sensibility by the pool. His headache that had left him shortly after school started returned by the time lunch hour was up. So, he did what sane people do. Popped in a few ibuprofens and continued on with his day.

**(A/N The last sentence doesn't apply to me! I hate taking pain killers! They make me gag! Wait, does this mean that I'm not sane? Does it? Tell me!) **

After a period of about 35 minutes, his headache went away, but when he returned home, he had another. Now, Mr. Lancer, being an English major instead of a science major didn't make any connections to the article, his headaches, or his books and went ahead with his nightly ritual. But tonight, he read Wuthering Heights.

**(A/N Man! He's a fast reader!)**

But, the next day, he awoke with a migraine that would shame a hangover. **(A/N I hate those! No, not the hangovers, the migraines! I've never been drunk! Despite the popular belief. Grr.) **

"Thank you Ms. White." Mr. Lancer said as he hung up the phone. He'd just arranged for a woman named Ms. White to sub his English class today. "Hm, I think I'll go read a book…" Mr. Lancer said and began sifting through his shelves. Finally he selected the Poetry of Robert Frost and settled down in bed again. While half way through his book, his headache got worse. If possible I mean.

Suddenly, he gasped.

"Lady Susan!" He screamed, "The article!" Mr. Lancer had made the connection between the two. But, little did he know, it was too late. Mr. Lancer scrambled out of bed, carelessly tossing his book to the floor and ran to his study. Quickly he snatched the magazine off the desk and skimmed through it looking for the article.

"Aha!" He yelled once he found it. He read through it twice trying to find something that would help save him. But a page was missing. His eyes scanned the ground for any loose pages, but there were none.

"Moby Dick!" he screeched and fell to the ground, dead. Poor Mr. Lancer, his brain had over loaded. But, only the reader and the writer know this. For the magazine had been a joke magazine. The kind they stick in grocery stores with titles such as: "UFO's kidnap cheerleading squad" and the likes. Mr. Lancer's autopsy showed no signs of his brain being under excessive pressure, so to make the public happy, they blamed his weight.

**(A/N It makes me so mad how scientist blame peoples weight for dumb things. Just last night, I was watching the news and they said that Alzheimer's was caused by people being over weight! My grandma weighed next to nothing, and she still got Alzheimer's! Freak! That's so dumb! I'm probably over weight! What next, you have trouble blinking because you're overweight! It's just cruel how people make fun of others just for looks! Does it honestly make you feel better to tell someone that they're fat, or stupid? No one's perfect! Get with it! It's just as bad as being racist! Don't judge people by their looks, or you will regret it, I promise.) **

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**(A/N Ok people, I realize that Valerie doesn't really have too many blonde moments but I really can't think of another way to kill her! (shoots self in head) So, be nice, don't bite, and pretend she's got blonde moments! Oh, I don't have anything against blondes, my mom's one, my brother, my best friend, I'm even a strawberry blonde! So, yeah… I'll try and stop with the A/N now…)**

"Valerie, look out!" came the voice of everyone's favorite halfa Danny Fenton. (Well, maybe I like Vlad better… Just kidding!)

"Huh?" She questioned and turned around just in time to see Danny and crew cringe.

"Ouch!" Valerie shouted. "Who put that wall there?" She looked around furiously to see if any fellow students would confess to the crime. No, the only one who could would have to be the builders.

"Mental note to self," Valerie muttered under her breath, "Next time ghost hunting, go construction worker hunting."

"Are you okay?" Danny said running over. He helped her up from her pile on the floor and began scurrying around picking up the books she had spilled in her "moment".

"I'm fine." Valerie said and ran her hands over her skirt smoothing it and brushing off the dirt.

"Oh, good. I was hoping you didn't hit your head or anything." Danny said placing her books in her outstretched hands.

"Danny Fenton," Valerie began, "I can take care of myself and I really don't need anyone's help, got it?"

"Gosh Valerie," Sam said, "He was just helping, you don't need to get pissed or anything."

"Sam, keep your nose out of where it doesn't belong!" Valerie snapped and walked away.

Sam made a confused she's crazy kind of face after the brunette girl.

"What's her problem? You were just making sure she was okay after her blonde moment." Sam asked Danny.

"Who knows?" Danny said and the trio continued on their way down the hall. Just moments later, they heard another cry of pain coming from behind them. They quickly turned around only to see Valerie spread out on the floor again. This time next to a metal door frame.

"Should we help her?" Tucker asked.

"Nah." Danny said, "She can deal with her own "special needs.""

During class later that day, the Ms. White was calling roll. (Mr. Lancer had them in order of seats, not names.)

"Foley, Tucker?" she called out.

"Here, and might I say, Ms. W. you look mighty fine today!"

"(sigh) Fenton, Daniel?"

"Here."

"Manson, Samantha?"

Sam cringed at her full name.

"Here." She muttered.

"Baxter, Dash?"

"Here."

"Sanchez, Paulina?"

"I'm here!"

"Grey Valerie?"

"…"

"Miss Grey, are you here?"

All eyes turned to Valerie in the back row.

"Uh… Hold on a sec, I got to think!" Valerie shouted. A few seconds later came out an enthusiastic "here" from a giggling Valerie.

After four more blonde moments from Valerie, the bell rang.

"Miss Grey, could you stay a few minutes longer?" Ms. White asked.

"Uh…… (giggle) Sure!" was Valerie's response.

"Wonderful, take a seat." Said the sub smiling.

Valerie plopped herself down on the floor in front of the teachers desk and started up at her like a kindergartener at story time.

"Uh, Miss Grey," said Ms. White slightly taken back from the fourteen year old student's behavior. "Is there something you'd like to talk about? You know, girl to girl?"

"Uh, yeah!" Valerie said happily.

"Lovely, what?"

"Well, when I was five, I really wanted a puppy but my daddy, he said no because it was too much trouble. So, I never got a puppy." Valerie said with this really serious little kid expression on her face. (I love those! They're so cute!)

"That wasn't quiet what I had in mind…" Ms. White said her voice trailing off.

"Can I go now? I want to get a lollypop!" Valerie asked impatiently.

"Yes, Valerie, you can go now." Ms. White said sighing.

Once the girl had left the room, Ms. White muttered, "She's got it really bad… Don't think there's a cure for this one!"

The next day Valerie Grey's body was found next to a bag of M&M's and a page printed off the computer. The page was a challenge for dumb blondes to put the M&M's in alphabetical order.

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Alrighty then. I don't know if I should stop this story now or keep going. Depends on the reviewers. So, review I say, review! And also, I don't own Danny Phantom, M&M's or anything else but the plot line. Just so we're clear. And, I suppose if you want to flame me, its ok… And sorry if I offended any blondes. Actually, my friend doesn't like that word so I have to say yellow haired people.

Phantom Shadow Pirate


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything.**

**Ok, I'm gonna try and make this work. **

**Tucker and Jazz**

**NPOV**

"Look!" said the strange voice. "Technology!"

"Oohh… Technology…" said the African American boy we all know and think is crazy, Tucker.

The unidentified voice had a PDA attached to a fishing pole and was luring the boy away from his best friends. Soon, he was in another part of town he didn't know and was lost. The person attached to the voice then kidnapped him and he was never heard of again until the author finishes the story. That will be a while.

_With Jazz…_

**Dear Jazz Fenton,**

**We would like you to come to our annual physiologists fair in Wisconsin. We will be sending a jet plane to pick you up the moment you finish reading this letter.**

**Thank you,**

**P.S.P.**

Jazz finished reading the letter and was immediately whisked off to Wisconsin, land of cheese and apparently the annual physiologist fair.

**Look, I know it's really short, but my sister will be home any minute now from work and I'm not supposed to be using her computer.**

**Phantom Shadow Pirate**

**Aka**

**P.S.P XD**


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